If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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