Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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