well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
