She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
