matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
