I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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