Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
