Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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