im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
