Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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