Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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