There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
