see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they need to just BURY HIM!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize