the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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