Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
