We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
