All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
