Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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