billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize