I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
