and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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