If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
