Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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