just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
