i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
