It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
