i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
