I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
