Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
