youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
