I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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