Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
