Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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