singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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