I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
