sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
