I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
