You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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