What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
