i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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