We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
