just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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