when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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