Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
