omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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