don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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