They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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