life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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