I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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