she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
