i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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