dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
