we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
