I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
