All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
