today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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