He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
