Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
