I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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