Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
