I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
