i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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