would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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