i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
