so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
operation harelip BJ is a go
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you never un-have a 4some
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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