I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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