he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
